Definition Unkown (but very close)

Excerpt from "Fay"

Definition Unknown (But Very Close)

Looking up at the ceiling, lying back on the stained carpet.
Only place I feel alive,
I feel like my true self can emerge.
The only time it ever does,
midnight, darkness, alone.
Late at night, wrapped in shadows and comforting darkness all around.
Light just starting to peer over the edge of the horizon;
new, clean, beginnings about to emerge.
The few moments that I steal from here
are the only ones I feel like myself.
Myself:
Definition, unknown.
But here; very close.
Watching the stars move ever so slowly ‘cross the sky.
Three o’clock, I think.
I should be going
but I don’t want to leave the feeling behind,
this feeling of knowing who I am.
Of being found.
Close my eyes and listen to the silence of the night
that isn’t silence at all.
Crunch of leaves outside, small animal making its way across the woods.
Soft whistle of the wind telling secrets to the trees,
small creaks of wood as it stretches in the night.
Crickets vibrating songs…
I’m found, but it’s time to be lost again.
Time to go home.